The Opening Series: What is a word that describes two things that are true but appear to contradict?

Author's Note: This is an opening series of 5 newsletters to help define what this newsletter is about. If you are here: it is article 2 of 5 and feel free to read the first one HERE. These are going to be slightly longer than all other newsletters because, well, I can and I need to.

What is a word (or phrase, news story, life moment, etc, etc) that describes two things that are true but appear to contradict?

This is a real phenomenon and I’m not the first to write about it. Nor the last. In fact, the very act of reading this particular newsletter episode means you are now a part of this phenomenon.

But first, some “research”.

On the English Language Stack Exchange network, this exact question is asked. If you’re new to the English Language Stack Exchange, it’s similar to the Stack Overflow (in the same network of platforms) site but instead of for developers this particular site is for fans of the English language.

Link: https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/388825/what-is-a-word-that-describes-two-things-that-are-true-but-appear-to-contradict

This particular question was asked some five years ago and the number one up-voted response was: Paradox.

The answer itself quotes the Merriam Dictionary’s own definition of what a Paradox is and this is the quote taken directly from the page:

“2 a : a statement that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common sense and yet is perhaps true” https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/paradox

If you read down the series of replies and sub-replies to this question you’ll find a similar theme and it’s maybe one you won’t find at first.

A commenter named “Flater” writes in a comment to the answer of “Paradox” with this:

“In a more scientific context (objectivity), paradox could exclusively mean something that is contradictory. "Fighting for peace" is not a true paradox (objectively speaking) because it does not inherently imply literal fighting (violence), it can also include figurative fighting (debating). However, it seems like a paradox, because at first sight, "fighting" seems the opposite of "wanting peace" when you (wrongly) infer the necessity of violence”

Do you see it? How the writer struggles to make sense of a difficult topic?

Now, as you continue to scroll down on this particular page, there are other comments and their commenters who contort and twist their replies as they attempt to make what is cloudy - clear. What is grey more “black and white”.

Why? We do we, as humans, try to explain away what is either obvious or not (or both). When will what is, just be that - what is.

In fact the word paradox feels like a confounding paradox of a word itself. It has a strong diphthong beginning in “para” and then ends with the slick-off-the-tongue, rogue-sounding and yet equally if not more powerful diphthong “dox”. It’s both delicate and strong sounding all that the same time.

The word arose in the 1530’s from the French word ‘paradoxe’ and also from the Latin word ‘parradoxum’ which translates basically to “...a statement seemingly absurd yet really true”, and finally from the Greek word ‘paradoxon’ which translates to “incredible statement or opinion” but when broken down in to the Greek parts the “Para” means “Contrary to” and “Doxa” to “opinion”.

All of these definitions “seemingly” (a word we see arise a lot here) point to the fact that yes, Paradox, is in fact the right way to answer this question.

So why spend all this time to answer a “seemingly” obvious question?

Because paradox is the core of what both/and is about. Without understanding or at least leaning into the phenomenon of paradox - the rest of these newsletters will mean very little.

It’s also an important notion to explore for you.

If you allow yourself to acknowledge that the world is filled with a lot (a lot) of gray, then you can open yourself up to examining why that all might be?

For example, you might allow yourself the time to read this newsletter and admit - I don’t understand, and then find meaning in that confounding un-truthy-truth at the same time.

Maybe then you will become armed with the awareness of paradox and its ever-present hold on reality, and instead of that becoming a “seemingly” bad thing, it might ebb into the side of “good thing”.

You might lean into that squirmy feeling when a co-worker speaks from an “either-or” perspective and feel calmly motivated to move them into a “both-and” state. Or maybe you’ll feel motivated to be okay with doing nothing at all.

In John Gray’s (their name is fitting here) book ‘Men are from Mars, Women Are From Venus’ which was published in 1992 and quickly became a best-seller, Gray offers a binary view of the dynamic between Men and Women, and ultimately the relationship between the two he wanted to write about only to write a quote that has stuck with me despite their attempt to write a book summarizing the fantastically gray subject of human relationships.

The quote is fitting of a paradox only Gray could offer:

“If we are to feel the positive feelings of love, happiness, trust, and gratitude, we periodically also have to feel anger, sadness, fear, and sorrow.”

Out of sorrow comes love. And vice versa.

Two things can both be true and contradictory at the same time.