What exactly is "both/and"?

Author's Note: This is an opening series of 5 newsletters to help define what this newsletter is about. If you are here: it is article 1 of 5. These opening newsletters are going to be slightly longer than all other newsletters because, well, I need to try and explain what all of this is.

I struggled to find the right word.

I was feeling a sense of euphoria unlike which I had ever felt before and then at the same time intense dread, anger, and frustration.

It made my stomach churn. My mouth was dry. My eyes, foggy (my glasses too somehow). The smell in the air was acrid, a strong smell of antiseptic filled the air. All of this felt somehow too strange. Reality sunk in and with it the warm embrace that only anxiety can bring to those who are addicted to it.

The smile on my face was genuine. My heart’s palpitations were expected, if not even…..appreciated.

I knew where my feelings were coming from but I didn’t have a word to describe it.

“Mr. Spilker, you’re needed in the room, please.”

“Okay”, I said with a deep sign as I turned my focus back to the room where I had only seconds ago slipped out to ponder this feeling.

It was time to check in on my newborn daughter again. Her Father was needed.

____

Have you ever wondered why you feel anything? Have you taken the time to sit down, with just you and your thoughts, emotions and reactions to them and actually wondered why? I do this. A lot. I have ever since I was young. Growing up the son of a single-mother in midwestern bible belt country will provide you with lots of opportunities to be aware of your irregularities and then with ample time to ponder them.

So, I’ve gotten used to picking through the feelings or curiosities that give me the most pause. The ones that wrinkle my nose up with incredulity. The feelings that wrench my face around like a contortionist begging for applause. Those moments where you stop dead in your tracks, not because you’re shocked or in awe, awaken to a new and glorious moment, oh no - just the opposite.

I’m talking about the moments where you are stopped dead in your tracks because you have been utterly left with a feeling of having absolutely no clue and some clues all at the same time.

And lastly, I’m talking about moments where you view the public discourse drifting further into the boundaries. Whether it is friend or not, family or not- you see the rancor and anger bubbling over and you’re left wondering how do we piece it all back together?

This is now where I point out that I've purposefully left out two important words that might have made sense of what was mentioned above because in the end this is an exercise in language, emotion and our reactions to all of it, with each other.

This is about the “both/and” of it.

In the short term (one paragraph to be exact) both/and is an idea as old as human thought itself. It is inscribed into bones, written about in the oldest of scripts and newest of textbooks alike. Both/And is one way to term the idea. Some call it ‘paradox’ (which we will also explore), others call it dialectics (we’ll explore that one, too) or maybe ‘Anekantavada’ (A Sanskrit word found in Jainism meaning “non-one-sidedness”. Whatever you call it, it’s also cliche (we’ll explore this word too) to think one paragraph can describe what “both/and” is and we’ll do that over the long term.

Or, I will try.

This is a newsletter about this topic. A newsletter that I’ll write sometimes weekly, sometimes bi-weekly or monthly (mostly when I’m struck by the below) and in it I will dive deep as I can into topics that confound, confuse and coalesce many feelings, thoughts, ideas, beliefs, truths, lies and the in between all into one.

The goal: to explore complexity together and to find similarities and commonplace in the nuanced. To find the gray in all this black and white. To take a serious look at complex issues that rule the day from those who study it, or not.

All in a newsletter.

I will take stories from mainstream news and dive deep into the issues presented from a “both/and” perspective.

I’ll also share stories from my own experiences where it makes sense. Excerpts from a life well….lived (like the one from above, my eldest daughter is 14 now fyi and more of this story will be told I promise you).

We will both strive to learn about the idea of “both/and” and the issues presented therein. I will keep it as short as I can (think about the time you give yourself to read an interesting Twitter thread, or excerpt from a potential new book. In other words - they won’t be this long).

Join me? Sign up and share the word.